So, you have a special person in your life and you’re very keen to introduce them to your children. Remember that your children are going to need some time to adjust and get to know this new person so a ‘soft’ introduction would be the best approach. You could say something like, ‘”I have met a special friend who I’m getting to know and maybe one day I would like you to meet them”. This may seem like a slow […]

Perhaps you’re a bit confused by all the different kinds of love – especially since your Mum and Dad have separated. They used to be “in love” but not any more. This probably makes you think that their love for others can change too? You might also be thinking that love is defined in quantities and then runs out – and maybe that’s what happened with your parents? Although love between adults can change, ‘parent love’ for children never runs […]

Why not Adult Counselling? We arrange all sorts of check ups as part of our everyday life i.e. boilers, cars, health etc.,. We understand the importance of physical exercise to keep our bodies healthy and on track but somehow when it comes to our emotions and looking after our mental health there is resistance. So why not learn to exercise our emotional muscle and take stock of our emotional welfare by going to the emotional gym? It’s only talking but […]

You might think it’s just ‘a message’ but the saying ‘don’t shoot the messenger’ comes to mind. If the message is not likely to be well received by the other parent, this will not go unnoticed by the one little person who is made up of you both. Your child, the “little bee” with their finely tuned antennae will pick up the vibe and inadvertently absorb it too. This will impact on your child as the message represents an ‘unintentional’ […]

Separated parents who split the week/weekend (or one night a week and alternate weekends) will more likely experience differences in behaviour of their child and may find they use differing parenting styles. ‘Week’ Parent Parents who have the ‘week’ responsibilities often feel they are the ones who do all the hard work and have to be the disciplinarian – dealing with school, homework, uniform and the early mornings. Sometimes this parent may have a tendency to think of the other […]

One of the most typical comments I hear from children is how much they always miss one of their parents when they are separated. They are in a situation where they are always missing ONE of you. So when they come back from having a good time with one parent, it’s a particularly confusing time for them. Naturally they’re happy to see you but also dealing with missing the other parent. They’re also aware of how tumultuous it can be […]

In my role as a child counsellor I have often observed how certain children and the roles they play within the family can become severely adjusted and more extreme when their parent separate. The Eldest child May exhibit a tendency to become overly mature. They may start acting in a pseudo adult fashion i.e. demanding more independence; starting to ‘take care’ of their parents; becoming increasingly involved with their siblings’ welfare or become too involved in the ‘family situation’ in […]

Why does it feel as if you are split in half and that your children can’t get enough of you? When you have separated you may ‘feel halved’ and in a way you are. Literally, you are no longer a double act – you are now a single parent and emotionally you will feel different. When we’re in love and together, we adopt or absorb parts of the person we love. So, of course, when we break up we do […]

Remember, your children are genetically composed of both parents.  When you say something derogatory about the other parent, you may feel a sense of self-satisfaction in the short-term but the displeasure for your child will be long-remembered. As they are part of that parent too, the impact of your words will be like a stuck record that repeats and revolves in their head. What impact does that have on your child who is also going through the separation? They feel uncomfortable […]

You may notice that your child is resistant to seeing their other parent or you might feel that you are forcing your child to go and see their other parent despite your own reservations. Children may sometimes show signs of distress, get upset or seem very anxious about the prospect of visiting or staying with the other parent.  Assuming there are no child protection or safety issues (and your child is not at risk) and even though part of you […]

What do you say when your child asks why you separated?! Understandably, when faced with this scenario, you want to be truthful and not lie, or be dishonest. A difficult one indeed! But having worked with children and young people who come to me for counselling, feeling very confused and somewhat overwhelmed by the different responses they hear, I have a suggestion. Children will  want to know why you are no longer together and why wouldn’t they? They can invest of […]

How is it possible to work together as parents when it seems you disagree on everything? When you are both so wound up by the personal conflicts that this can be ‘played out’ in front of your child. Remember – children can be clever at figuring out how to get what they want and can be especially good at achieving this when they observe that you don’t speak or see each other. This in itself is not necessarily bad, however, […]