As a parent, how often do you find yourself saying to your teenage daughter “for heaven’s sake – will you put that phone down!” Or hear yourself remarking on the fact that “we didn’t even have mobiles or laptops in our day!” And indeed we didn’t. We had the luxury of going home and shutting the bedroom door on what might have been a dreadful day at school, burying ourselves under the blankets until we were ready to face the outside world again. […]
Tags: teenager
Imagine your child as a little seedling with its fragile roots encased in some soil. As parents, you are the sturdy and protective plant pots they seek refuge in. But as separated parents, you are now two very different shaped pots. Your child wants to find comfort and nestle into both parents’ pots so they can spread their ‘roots’. To do this they now have to change their shape accordingly, acclimatising to your way of parenting. Then they have to ‘uproot’ and get ready to change shape again to suit the other parents pot while […]
If a child is in a sensitive state or is not thriving and proves to be the vulnerable child, this may exacerbate tensions between separated parents. A vulnerable child can make any parent worried and quickly become the focal point of your ‘failed’ relationship as feelings of parental inadequacy are arising in both of you. Parental differences become more apparent as your fledgling, fragile co-parenting relationship comes under closer scrutiny. When neither of you has a clear view of the […]
Much has been written about teenagers and the brain and indeed, the brain does go through a revolutionary overhaul during the adolescent years. One could describe this overhaul as the second brain ‘reboot’ beyond the toddler phases and some parents will say they observe the similarities. The Limbic system is hugely influential and key during the teenage years, being very active and often over-reactive. This emotional engine, or motor system, located in the core brain is responsible for survival, memory […]
The standard of exams seems to have gone sky high! I remember when an A was a great grade and was a real achievement. But now young people have to get an A* and lots of them. Getting a mere A is just not good enough! Young people and children are under ridiculous amounts of pressure these days. The number of cases where young people are suffering from acute anxiety has risen dramatically in my practice. More and more frequently, […]
Having had a bad experience with an ex-partner can leave such a suspicious imprint that it’s hard not to hold a dim view of them once we separate. It’s easy to believe that if they were unsuitable as a partner, equally, they must be a lousy parent. Questioning and reflecting back on the relationship, you may have felt frustrated by their ‘lack of presence’ when you were together but noticed that since your separation your ex is claiming to be […]
Almost 1 in 4 are being diagnosed with a mental health illness in the UK today, of which the most common diagnosis is Depression. That’s nearly a quarter of the population who have or will experience depression at some point in their lives. Depression is the fastest growing ‘silent’ illness with many people suffering in silence and abject misery, feeling too ‘ashamed’ or embarrassed to seek any kind of help. Some become so fearful of being tagged with a mental […]
As the name clearly indicates, this support workshop helps you to prioritise your children and to re-focus on them with other like-minded parents who also have been through separation/divorce. Losing one’s focus and confidence as a parent is pretty easy under any circumstances. But even more so when you experience a momentous and explosive separation. Loss of control, indecision and feelings of uncertainty will seem to be the norm and anxiety levels run high. When it’s hard to know what is right anymore you […]
As a parent, playing the ‘blame game’ may be fairly satisfying in the short term but will actually begin to surreptitiously undermine oneself eventually, whilst negating and eroding the other parent in the process. Sadly this can be typical behaviour I observe when parents separate. The need to blame is very much a part of the initial stages of grief and fury. It can feel really good to blame the other parent and thereby absolve ourselves of guilt – another […]
Modern living and separation feels incredibly stressful and one issue I have noticed is how we can all give ourselves a hard time and worry too much. We are the descendants of finely tuned anxious people and needed to be so in order to survive. In order for the modern form of humans to have survived 200,000 years we have needed to be ready for action depending on what we were faced with. Our amygdala (the alarm system that warns […]
One of the reasons why human population has increased so prolifically is by the learning of ‘cooperation’. In fact the reason why humans have been so successful is because neonates are ready to participate in any culture. By imitating parental heritage, supports greater integration, stronger identity and the creation of secure reference points, As if parents are installing a software in the brain of the baby, they define their child. Babies are primed for imitation as soon as they are born. Given […]
The most important and yet simple interaction between a parent and child is in the visual communication. Babies respond to the loving gaze of their mother and father. A parent falling in love with their baby feeds into the baby falling in love with the world and this is the basic structural paving stone for curiosity particularly later at 10 to 18 months. So seeking or appreciating eyes and facial features are encoded within babies preferences, they prefer to see […]
