How is it possible to work together as parents when it seems you disagree on everything? When you are both so wound up by the personal conflicts that this can be ‘played out’ in front of your child. Remember – children can be clever at figuring out how to get what they want and can be especially good at achieving this when they observe that you don’t speak or see each other. This in itself is not necessarily bad, however, you don’t want them to be lying to both of you and finding themselves in an unsafe situation.
The beauty of being a parent is that you want to pass on all the good stuff you were given to your children. Often, in the process of divorcing or separating we lose touch with ourselves and what we are good at. We are no longer able to CELEBRATE our children together and this can lead to an extremely sad family situation. The opportunities to share the good moments and our children’s achievements are very rare when separated.
It’s easy to compare and criticize each other’s parenting styles more then ever when separated when we really don’t see eye to eye. The glue that was once the LOVE that could heal and patch up differences or help find a compromise has gone. So how do you find a way to work together when the foundation you shared has collapsed?
Some see this as an opportunity to finally bring up their child as they see fit and even more reason to have their own unique parenting style. Whilst this is perfectly fine, I would suggest agreeing on at least 3 core values that you both want for your child – such as manners, boundaries, swearing or mealtimes. The rest can be flexible, allowing each of you to enjoy your time with your child with your individual style of parenting whilst respecting each other’s skill set.
Your children need to know they have a roof over their heads. Not only a literal one but a metaphorical one provided by you both:
Parents without any agreement
Parents with basic core values and able to respect each other’s parenting style
