Please don’t pass on messages via your children

You might think it’s just ‘a message’ but the saying ‘don’t shoot the messenger’ comes to mind. If the message is not likely to be well received by the other parent, this will not go unnoticed by the one little person who is made up of you both.

Your child, the “little bee” with their finely tuned antennae will pick up the vibe and inadvertently absorb it too. This will impact on your child as the message represents an ‘unintentional’ burden, innocuous as it may seem –  loaded with sentiment.

It can and will very likely be received with a negative reaction or ‘hard to hide’ reaction from the other parent. The message will be linked with your separation and all the associated feelings and thoughts and it will be harder to hide – particularly if you feel you have had an acrimonious divorce. If, as separated parents, you are not talking or communicating, then look at alternative ways to share important information. Some parents use a message book for passing on details and information about their child. Whilst passing on information on more practical issues, bear in mind that you could also share your child’s achievements and successes – this way they don’t miss out on you celebrating them together. This contributes to creating the ‘safe roof effect’ or even a ‘halo effect’ that boosts their self esteem. They will also be able to bask in the knowledge that you are thinking about them together in a co-operative way.