Why does it feel as if you are split in half and that your children can’t get enough of you?
When you have separated you may ‘feel halved’ and in a way you are. Literally, you are no longer a double act – you are now a single parent and emotionally you will feel different.
When we’re in love and together, we adopt or absorb parts of the person we love. So, of course, when we break up we do feel diminished and possibly halved. It’s as if we have lost parts of ourselves and feel something is missing.
There will be times when you feel vulnerable as you recover from your separation. And so will your children.
In fact you will notice more than ever that your children will depend on you even more to be your ‘strong whole self’. Especially when they have to adjust to being with only one of you at a time, they will find it harder to share you with their siblings. You may feel your child can’t share what they have of you.
This may sound over-simplified and somewhat artificial, but you can be more flexible with how and when your children see you – within practical parameters. You may have some of your children visiting the other parent whilst you have special time with just one child on a more one-to-one basis. You could take turns for them to enjoy you as a parent without having to share the attention with others, for example have some time with your eldest when the younger ones are in bed. If you are able to set aside special time with each child, they will really appreciate this and you will enjoy them more – instead of feeling like you are being stretched or pulled in different directions.
