Why is it once you separate from your ex-spouse or partner that you may seem to disagree on everything you believe is good for your child?
When you’re no longer in love, a part of that compromising ‘glue’ that helped you reach mutual decisions has apparently dissolved. In fact, that one part of the brain that often makes us see the other person through ‘rose-tinted glasses’ no longer operates the same way. And so you may be more inclined to want to ‘stand your ground’ with more individualistic views of how you want to bring up your child.
Parents can often end up fighting in Court over their differences that seem so despairingly contrasting. But difference in parenting styles can be a good thing. Of course, it’s important that you both find some common ground and agree on basic beliefs as to how you want to co-parent and to create a ‘safe roof effect’, one which protects and reassures your children.
But difference is key too as it will offer many more opportunities for any child and cover many more bases and enable and provide more skills for your child. You may be the more fun-loving parent while your former partner is more academic. You may love reading and have a passion for art and crafts and the other parent loves sports, adventure and travel. These are all amazing qualities and interests which make for a more rounded upbringing for a child. As their role-model, you will want to give them the ‘good stuff’ that’s been passed down by your parents and this will apply to the other parent too.
So enjoy the difference and let each parent celebrate your differences via your child. Your child will ultimately thank you for the double legacy you both have to offer.
