Having worked with a few twins who have experienced their parents divorce,  I’ve noticed they can sometimes be labelled as the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ twin. But just because they were once ‘wombmates’ doesn’t mean they’re identical. If anything they represent the ‘yin’ and ‘yang’ and are bound to display their unique characters and have different reactions – but perhaps not quite as polarised as on first impression. Twins have their own distinctive personalities. Although they have the same genetic […]

Imagine your child as a little seedling with its fragile roots encased in some soil.   As parents, you are the sturdy and protective plant pots they seek refuge in. But as separated parents, you are now two very different shaped pots.    Your child wants to find comfort and nestle into both parents’ pots so they can spread their ‘roots’. To do this they now have to change their shape accordingly, acclimatising to your way of parenting. Then they have to ‘uproot’ and get ready to change shape again to suit the other parents pot while […]

If a child is in a sensitive state or is not thriving and proves to be the vulnerable child, this may exacerbate tensions between separated parents. A vulnerable child can make any parent worried and quickly become the focal point of your ‘failed’ relationship as feelings of parental inadequacy are arising in both of you. Parental differences become more apparent as your fledgling, fragile co-parenting relationship comes under closer scrutiny. When neither of you has a clear view of the […]

Having had a bad experience with an ex-partner can leave such a suspicious imprint that it’s hard not to hold a dim view of them once we separate. It’s easy to believe that if they were unsuitable as a partner, equally, they must be a lousy parent. Questioning and reflecting back on the relationship, you may have felt frustrated by their ‘lack of presence’ when you were together but noticed that since your separation your ex is claiming to be […]

I often hear about separated parents arranging to meet at petrol stations or train stations for handovers, which sounds very bleak and perfunctory for children. From a child’s perspective, experiencing their parents’ separation is such an emotional journey in itself, so we don’t want to create further trauma during handovers. And things are already strained at best if neither can meet at each other’s homes. There are many other more child-friendly handover settings that can make it easier for them […]

Almost 1 in 4 are being diagnosed with a mental health illness in the UK today,  of which the most common diagnosis is Depression. That’s nearly a quarter of the population who have or will experience depression at some point in their lives. Depression is the fastest growing ‘silent’ illness with many people suffering in silence and abject misery, feeling too ‘ashamed’ or embarrassed to seek any kind of help. Some become so fearful of being tagged with a mental […]

Having a child brings out the Mama and Papa Bear in all parents. It’s not only mother’s protective instincts that become apparent – fathers fall in love with their new-born child too! Even before the birth, fathers are affected by hormonal changes during the pregnancy. Their testosterone levels drops, making them less aggressive and more attentive.  And so, the parenting journey starts for both parents before the birth. We are primed to become protective and hyper-vigilant over our children. Children […]

As the name clearly indicates, this support workshop helps you to prioritise your children and to re-focus on them with other like-minded parents who also have been through separation/divorce. Losing one’s focus and confidence as a parent is pretty easy under any circumstances. But even more so when you experience a momentous and explosive separation. Loss of control, indecision and feelings of uncertainty will seem to be the norm and anxiety levels run high.‎ When it’s hard to know what is right anymore you […]

As a parent, playing the ‘blame game’ may be fairly satisfying in the short term but will actually begin to surreptitiously undermine oneself eventually, whilst negating and eroding the other parent in the process. Sadly this can be typical behaviour I observe when parents separate. The need to blame is very much a part of the initial stages of grief and fury. It can feel really good to blame the other parent and thereby absolve ourselves of guilt – another […]

Why is it once you separate from your ex-spouse or partner that you may seem to disagree on everything you believe is good for your child? When you’re no longer in love, a part of that compromising ‘glue’ that helped you reach mutual decisions has apparently dissolved.  In fact, that one part of the brain that often makes us see the other person through ‘rose-tinted glasses’ no longer operates the same way. And  so you may be more inclined to want to ‘stand your ground’ […]

The right hemisphere of the brain has a considerable growth spurt in the first year. It is in charge of recognising faces, experiencing and coding emotions, colour recognition, images and more intuitive, thoughtful and subjective thinking. As mentioned previously the amygdala is linked to the visual-affective interactions in basic proto-conversations (basic ace and eye contact) and is reliant on pleasant eye to eye contact. If the amygdala is, so to speak, stroked with frequent and gentle interactions the right hemisphere […]

One of the reasons why human population has increased so prolifically is by the learning of ‘cooperation‘.  In fact the reason why humans have been so successful is because neonates are ready to participate in any culture. By imitating parental heritage, supports greater integration, stronger identity and the creation of secure reference points, As if parents are installing a software in the brain of the baby, they define their child. Babies are primed for imitation as soon as they are born. Given […]