The most important and yet simple interaction between a parent and child is in the visual communication. Babies respond to the loving gaze of their mother and father. A parent falling in love with their baby feeds into the baby falling in love with the world and this is the basic structural paving stone for curiosity particularly later at 10 to 18 months. So seeking or appreciating eyes and facial features are encoded within babies preferences, they prefer to see […]

Babies are not ‘blank sheets’ but have a sheet with ‘‎certain tentative outlines’. They are endowed with three brains with adaptive outlines and potential for further wiring. These brains are the reptilian, mammalian and rational. All these are part of a cerebral symphony that needs a conductor, a carer to help them work together. 90% of brain growth happens in the first year, emotions and social intelligence are stimulated or possibly trimmed prematurely with synaptic pruning by the second year and is […]

In Utero Relationships are essential to us and are the cornerstones of our civilisation. As humans we are highly social beings and as a result we have thrived as a species. Our incredible brains are designed to be social, helping us to relate and seek relationships. In just the same way, the brains of all babies are primed to relate. Their brains are social instruments, ready to tune into strong relational chords from the moment they are born. The sensitive […]

I frequently come across youngsters who are ‘people pleasing’ – particularly with parents who are separated. They are trying so hard to please both their conflicting parents, they’re being the perfect chameleon. But at what cost? Some are striving to please both parents who may be at totally opposite ends of the opinion spectrum. This impossible task makes the young person feel or think they are failing by letting someone down pretty much all of the time. By pleasing one […]

Teenagers can see the world in black and white. This is because their brain is in flux and ‘a work in progress’! The Pre-frontal cortex is at it’s biggest ‘growth spurt’. Teenagers have a lot going on in their brains. Neural pathways are regenerating and undergoing their most significant growth and re-strengthening phase. It is important for teenagers to maximize this time so as to be the best and most competent adults they can be. With all this development taking […]

You may have noticed your teenage child pulling back or putting up resistance in regard to the arrangements for visits with you. The precious time you battled over in Court or agreements decided by a judge no longer work or seem to apply to your child. Your teenager always seems too busy with their friends, or in pursuit of their hobbies or other extra activities on the time that was agreed for you to see them. To reassure you, teenagers […]

Perhaps you’re a bit confused by all the different kinds of love – especially since your Mum and Dad have separated. They used to be “in love” but not any more. This probably makes you think that their love for others can change too? You might also be thinking that love is defined in quantities and then runs out – and maybe that’s what happened with your parents? Although love between adults can change, ‘parent love’ for children never runs […]

You might think it’s just ‘a message’ but the saying ‘don’t shoot the messenger’ comes to mind. If the message is not likely to be well received by the other parent, this will not go unnoticed by the one little person who is made up of you both. Your child, the “little bee” with their finely tuned antennae will pick up the vibe and inadvertently absorb it too. This will impact on your child as the message represents an ‘unintentional’ […]

Separated parents who split the week/weekend (or one night a week and alternate weekends) will more likely experience differences in behaviour of their child and may find they use differing parenting styles. ‘Week’ Parent Parents who have the ‘week’ responsibilities often feel they are the ones who do all the hard work and have to be the disciplinarian – dealing with school, homework, uniform and the early mornings. Sometimes this parent may have a tendency to think of the other […]

One of the most typical comments I hear from children is how much they always miss one of their parents when they are separated. They are in a situation where they are always missing ONE of you. So when they come back from having a good time with one parent, it’s a particularly confusing time for them. Naturally they’re happy to see you but also dealing with missing the other parent. They’re also aware of how tumultuous it can be […]

In my role as a child counsellor I have often observed how certain children and the roles they play within the family can become severely adjusted and more extreme when their parent separate. The Eldest child May exhibit a tendency to become overly mature. They may start acting in a pseudo adult fashion i.e. demanding more independence; starting to ‘take care’ of their parents; becoming increasingly involved with their siblings’ welfare or become too involved in the ‘family situation’ in […]

Why does it feel as if you are split in half and that your children can’t get enough of you? When you have separated you may ‘feel halved’ and in a way you are. Literally, you are no longer a double act – you are now a single parent and emotionally you will feel different. When we’re in love and together, we adopt or absorb parts of the person we love. So, of course, when we break up we do […]