Imagine your child as a little seedling with its fragile roots encased in some soil.   As parents, you are the sturdy and protective plant pots they seek refuge in. But as separated parents, you are now two very different shaped pots.    Your child wants to find comfort and nestle into both parents’ pots so they can spread their ‘roots’. To do this they now have to change their shape accordingly, acclimatising to your way of parenting. Then they have to ‘uproot’ and get ready to change shape again to suit the other parents pot while […]

If a child is in a sensitive state or is not thriving and proves to be the vulnerable child, this may exacerbate tensions between separated parents. A vulnerable child can make any parent worried and quickly become the focal point of your ‘failed’ relationship as feelings of parental inadequacy are arising in both of you. Parental differences become more apparent as your fledgling, fragile co-parenting relationship comes under closer scrutiny. When neither of you has a clear view of the […]

Having had a bad experience with an ex-partner can leave such a suspicious imprint that it’s hard not to hold a dim view of them once we separate. It’s easy to believe that if they were unsuitable as a partner, equally, they must be a lousy parent. Questioning and reflecting back on the relationship, you may have felt frustrated by their ‘lack of presence’ when you were together but noticed that since your separation your ex is claiming to be […]

I often hear about separated parents arranging to meet at petrol stations or train stations for handovers, which sounds very bleak and perfunctory for children. From a child’s perspective, experiencing their parents’ separation is such an emotional journey in itself, so we don’t want to create further trauma during handovers. And things are already strained at best if neither can meet at each other’s homes. There are many other more child-friendly handover settings that can make it easier for them […]

Almost 1 in 4 are being diagnosed with a mental health illness in the UK today,  of which the most common diagnosis is Depression. That’s nearly a quarter of the population who have or will experience depression at some point in their lives. Depression is the fastest growing ‘silent’ illness with many people suffering in silence and abject misery, feeling too ‘ashamed’ or embarrassed to seek any kind of help. Some become so fearful of being tagged with a mental […]

Having a child brings out the Mama and Papa Bear in all parents. It’s not only mother’s protective instincts that become apparent – fathers fall in love with their new-born child too! Even before the birth, fathers are affected by hormonal changes during the pregnancy. Their testosterone levels drops, making them less aggressive and more attentive.  And so, the parenting journey starts for both parents before the birth. We are primed to become protective and hyper-vigilant over our children. Children […]

Modern living and separation feels incredibly stressful and one issue I have noticed is how we can all give ourselves a hard time and worry too much. We are the descendants of finely tuned anxious people and needed to be so in order to survive. In order for the modern form of humans to have survived 200,000 years we have needed to be ready for action depending on what we were faced with. Our amygdala (the alarm system that warns […]

Teenagers can feel very up and down and emotionally out of balance, as they are traversing a great deal of mileage in just one day! They have a lot going on physically, as this their biggest growth spurt ever, and may come across as lazy when actually they simply need more rest. They are more likely to be tired after school and not wanting to go out or do anything with you. Psychologically, emotionally and hormonally they will feel all […]

You might think it’s just ‘a message’ but the saying ‘don’t shoot the messenger’ comes to mind. If the message is not likely to be well received by the other parent, this will not go unnoticed by the one little person who is made up of you both. Your child, the “little bee” with their finely tuned antennae will pick up the vibe and inadvertently absorb it too. This will impact on your child as the message represents an ‘unintentional’ […]

Separated parents who split the week/weekend (or one night a week and alternate weekends) will more likely experience differences in behaviour of their child and may find they use differing parenting styles. ‘Week’ Parent Parents who have the ‘week’ responsibilities often feel they are the ones who do all the hard work and have to be the disciplinarian – dealing with school, homework, uniform and the early mornings. Sometimes this parent may have a tendency to think of the other […]

You may notice that your child is resistant to seeing their other parent or you might feel that you are forcing your child to go and see their other parent despite your own reservations. Children may sometimes show signs of distress, get upset or seem very anxious about the prospect of visiting or staying with the other parent.  Assuming there are no child protection or safety issues (and your child is not at risk) and even though part of you […]