Separated parents who split the week/weekend (or one night a week and alternate weekends) will more likely experience differences in behaviour of their child and may find they use differing parenting styles. ‘Week’ Parent Parents who have the ‘week’ responsibilities often feel they are the ones who do all the hard work and have to be the disciplinarian – dealing with school, homework, uniform and the early mornings. Sometimes this parent may have a tendency to think of the other […]
Why is my child different when they come back from spending their time with the other parent?
One of the most typical comments I hear from children is how much they always miss one of their parents when they are separated. They are in a situation where they are always missing ONE of you. So when they come back from having a good time with one parent, it’s a particularly confusing time for them. Naturally they’re happy to see you but also dealing with missing the other parent. They’re also aware of how tumultuous it can be […]
Have you noticed more pronounced behaviours in your eldest, middle, youngest or only child since your separation and divorce?
In my role as a child counsellor I have often observed how certain children and the roles they play within the family can become severely adjusted and more extreme when their parent separate. The Eldest child May exhibit a tendency to become overly mature. They may start acting in a pseudo adult fashion i.e. demanding more independence; starting to ‘take care’ of their parents; becoming increasingly involved with their siblings’ welfare or become too involved in the ‘family situation’ in […]
Split up. Split you.
Why does it feel as if you are split in half and that your children can’t get enough of you? When you have separated you may ‘feel halved’ and in a way you are. Literally, you are no longer a double act – you are now a single parent and emotionally you will feel different. When we’re in love and together, we adopt or absorb parts of the person we love. So, of course, when we break up we do […]
Why it is best not to criticise the other parent in front of your child?
Remember, your children are genetically composed of both parents. When you say something derogatory about the other parent, you may feel a sense of self-satisfaction in the short-term but the displeasure for your child will be long-remembered. As they are part of that parent too, the impact of your words will be like a stuck record that repeats and revolves in their head. What impact does that have on your child who is also going through the separation? They feel uncomfortable […]
Why does my child have difficulties seeing their other parent?
You may notice that your child is resistant to seeing their other parent or you might feel that you are forcing your child to go and see their other parent despite your own reservations. Children may sometimes show signs of distress, get upset or seem very anxious about the prospect of visiting or staying with the other parent. Assuming there are no child protection or safety issues (and your child is not at risk) and even though part of you […]
How to respond to your Child when they ask delicate questions – especially about your separation or divorce?
What do you say when your child asks why you separated?! Understandably, when faced with this scenario, you want to be truthful and not lie, or be dishonest. A difficult one indeed! But having worked with children and young people who come to me for counselling, feeling very confused and somewhat overwhelmed by the different responses they hear, I have a suggestion. Children will want to know why you are no longer together and why wouldn’t they? They can invest of […]
How to create a ‘safe roof effect’ for your child even though you are separated or divorced?
How is it possible to work together as parents when it seems you disagree on everything? When you are both so wound up by the personal conflicts that this can be ‘played out’ in front of your child. Remember – children can be clever at figuring out how to get what they want and can be especially good at achieving this when they observe that you don’t speak or see each other. This in itself is not necessarily bad, however, […]
What is the emotional impact of separation and divorce on children?
What is the emotional impact of separation and divorce on children? The realisation that their parents are no longer together can feel very much like tectonic plates shifting and can feel devastating. But as with all dramatic change it is how we support ourselves and how we heal that is indicative of how we recover. The more we look after ourselves the better we recover. Children and young people are incredibly adaptable and resilient if given a chance and given […]
Practical suggestions that you may find helpful as parents
Having worked at Mediation Centre since 2008 I have observed a series of themes and issues that I have encountered. I will be frequently adding new articles with some practical suggestions that you may find helpful as parents. Some may be addressed to young people and children too – so they too can make sense of their situation.
