You may have noticed your teenage child pulling back or putting up resistance in regard to the arrangements for visits with you. The precious time you battled over in Court or agreements decided by a judge no longer work or seem to apply to your child. Your teenager always seems too busy with their friends, or in pursuit of their hobbies or other extra activities on the time that was agreed for you to see them. To reassure you, teenagers […]
Why your teenager may seek firmer roots and prefer to veer towards one home situation
Teenagers can feel very up and down and emotionally out of balance, as they are traversing a great deal of mileage in just one day! They have a lot going on physically, as this their biggest growth spurt ever, and may come across as lazy when actually they simply need more rest. They are more likely to be tired after school and not wanting to go out or do anything with you. Psychologically, emotionally and hormonally they will feel all […]
Bullying: Passing on the heavy “rock sack”
We all have our personal baggage to carry around – a sort of rucksack full of issues like our anxieties, worries, thoughts, personal remarks or criticisms – things that often weigh us down on a daily basis. Some people who are carrying a rather large rucksack probably have an overload of rocks in their “rock sack”. Some of these rocks are not even theirs! I notice sometimes that bullies also have a rather large “rock sack” too and an uncanny […]
Introducing New Partners and the “Love Tank”
So, you have a special person in your life and you’re very keen to introduce them to your children. Remember that your children are going to need some time to adjust and get to know this new person so a ‘soft’ introduction would be the best approach. You could say something like, ‘”I have met a special friend who I’m getting to know and maybe one day I would like you to meet them”. This may seem like a slow […]
Different Love: Adult love and Parental love
Perhaps you’re a bit confused by all the different kinds of love – especially since your Mum and Dad have separated. They used to be “in love” but not any more. This probably makes you think that their love for others can change too? You might also be thinking that love is defined in quantities and then runs out – and maybe that’s what happened with your parents? Although love between adults can change, ‘parent love’ for children never runs […]
Happier and Healthier New Year 2015 – Emotional MOT and Mental Spring Clean
Why not Adult Counselling? We arrange all sorts of check ups as part of our everyday life i.e. boilers, cars, health etc.,. We understand the importance of physical exercise to keep our bodies healthy and on track but somehow when it comes to our emotions and looking after our mental health there is resistance. So why not learn to exercise our emotional muscle and take stock of our emotional welfare by going to the emotional gym? It’s only talking but […]
Please don’t pass on messages via your children
You might think it’s just ‘a message’ but the saying ‘don’t shoot the messenger’ comes to mind. If the message is not likely to be well received by the other parent, this will not go unnoticed by the one little person who is made up of you both. Your child, the “little bee” with their finely tuned antennae will pick up the vibe and inadvertently absorb it too. This will impact on your child as the message represents an ‘unintentional’ […]
Splitting the ‘parenting week/weekend’
Separated parents who split the week/weekend (or one night a week and alternate weekends) will more likely experience differences in behaviour of their child and may find they use differing parenting styles. ‘Week’ Parent Parents who have the ‘week’ responsibilities often feel they are the ones who do all the hard work and have to be the disciplinarian – dealing with school, homework, uniform and the early mornings. Sometimes this parent may have a tendency to think of the other […]
Why is my child different when they come back from spending their time with the other parent?
One of the most typical comments I hear from children is how much they always miss one of their parents when they are separated. They are in a situation where they are always missing ONE of you. So when they come back from having a good time with one parent, it’s a particularly confusing time for them. Naturally they’re happy to see you but also dealing with missing the other parent. They’re also aware of how tumultuous it can be […]
Have you noticed more pronounced behaviours in your eldest, middle, youngest or only child since your separation and divorce?
In my role as a child counsellor I have often observed how certain children and the roles they play within the family can become severely adjusted and more extreme when their parent separate. The Eldest child May exhibit a tendency to become overly mature. They may start acting in a pseudo adult fashion i.e. demanding more independence; starting to ‘take care’ of their parents; becoming increasingly involved with their siblings’ welfare or become too involved in the ‘family situation’ in […]
Split up. Split you.
Why does it feel as if you are split in half and that your children can’t get enough of you? When you have separated you may ‘feel halved’ and in a way you are. Literally, you are no longer a double act – you are now a single parent and emotionally you will feel different. When we’re in love and together, we adopt or absorb parts of the person we love. So, of course, when we break up we do […]
Why it is best not to criticise the other parent in front of your child?
Remember, your children are genetically composed of both parents. When you say something derogatory about the other parent, you may feel a sense of self-satisfaction in the short-term but the displeasure for your child will be long-remembered. As they are part of that parent too, the impact of your words will be like a stuck record that repeats and revolves in their head. What impact does that have on your child who is also going through the separation? They feel uncomfortable […]